he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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