Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
