She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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