The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
