Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
