I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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