but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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