oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
