i barfeds in our rink
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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