I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
