last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
