hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
