Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
