All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
