Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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