My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
