That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
