Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize