It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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