I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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