I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
