like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
