You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
