Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize