Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
