someone threw a dead crab at me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
