you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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