Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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