I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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