I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
