drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
