he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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