i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
