wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
