I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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