Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
