is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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