dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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