Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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