I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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