she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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