At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
