I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
