yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
