I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize