My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize