i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
