Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
