can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize