PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
