My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
