Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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