How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
