Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
