New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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