Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
