Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
