Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize