he shaved USA in his pubs
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
