conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want her autograph on my taint
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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