last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
