Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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