I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
