4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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