me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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