I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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