My room smells like vodka and shame
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
