Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
