I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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