May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize