Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am puke
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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