So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
