This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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