He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
