i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
