If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
