Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
