Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
where are my eyebrows?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
