what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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