You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
