shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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