eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
