I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
is wine microwaveable?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
