She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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