what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think my moral compass just broke
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
