found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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