My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
