so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shitshow foam night was such a success
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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