My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Floor bacon is actually really good
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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