Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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