It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
