I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We are all done wearing pants today
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
