I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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