Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
