Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
