so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
