If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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