does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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