i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize